


sunlit

by AddieNotFound



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, High School AU - Fandom, dnf - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Am Sorry, Illnesses, Implied Neglection, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Touch-Starved GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Vomiting, implied depression, not an accurate representation of mental illnesses, saving george, sick, soft, this isn’t intended to offend anyone, touch-starved dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:55:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AddieNotFound/pseuds/AddieNotFound
Summary: george is left alone, his best friend more caught up with his boyfriendclay is just the lonely kiduntil they start talking and things turn for the worst——[slow updates] mental health is the priority peoples,, i will update as much as i can[4 actual chapters up]
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	1. School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just some introduction to things ig? this is a mess aghhhh

the vibration and yelling of clay’s alarm clock woke him up

he quickly grabbed for his phone, when he found it he hit the ‘stop’ button on the alarm and then dropped it, letting it fall back to his bed 

clay led back, he let out a sigh and looked up to his blank ceiling, almost expecting the answers to his problems 

he shoved himself up and forward, off of his bed, and looked around, right.. he had school

clay didn’t always dread school, maybe he had started to dread it because of the kids that bullied him or the teachers that were too harsh or maybe it was the fact that he had no friends because he was completely and utterly alone.

nonetheless he had to attended 

today was a Thursday, there was nothing particularly exciting about a Thursday, he had done the homework due for once so at least that would weigh on his mind

clay messily put on his clothes, he stared at himself for a minuet before grabbing his books and shoving them into his bad, he grabbed his headphones and headed for his door

today would be okay.., right? 

_________________________________

george woke up to the yelling of his mum and dad, followed by presumably a pan hitting the floor and more yelling.

he grabbed his headphones and put them on, turning on the song he had fell asleep too, it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the arguments but it was a welcome distraction 

george put on his favourite jumper and some jeans, it didn’t matter what he wore because it was only nick who would see him and even then, nick was too caught up with his boyfriend, karl

george didn’t mind karl, frankly he was quite nice and he had no problem with sapnap being gay, or karl being bi, he was always supportive. but if he was ever- it was just wrong.. right?

george decided not to think about that anymore, he’d already argued with his parents over that many many times and had just come to the conclusion they were right

he heard more bangs followed by silence 

great.. another one of these days.

________________________________

clay walked into the school, the familiar smell of undercooked food and smoke. ah. great.. he already felt sick. he pushed away all of that and moved himself forward

clay felt a hand push him down, but by the time he had any chance to stop it he was on the floor, he felt a kick to his gut- “asshole!” -and another one- “you weird freak!” -and it was over

nobody cared enough to help him up, so he picked himself up, his ribs hurt but he brushed it off, he couldn’t go back to the nurse again. 

of course he tried to hide it, with foundation and concealer but it was still there

the scar on his face

it was a blotchy moon shape that started near his left eye brow and curved down to his cheek

he preferred not to think or talk about how it was caused.

______________________

george stood by his locker, he felt really anxious and the unusually silent hallway annoyed him, he was waiting for nick, of course he was late, he was probably off with karl or something

george’s phone buzzed

_nick: _  
hey, sorry, with karl, cant meet up, talk later?__

__george didn’t bother to respond, it would be an understatement to say he was jealous, nick and him used to be very close and now all of a sudden he’s left on his own while nick goes off with karl._ _

__but he couldn’t be mean to nick, he was all he had.._ _

__oh well.. nick would come back eventually_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is bad :( 
> 
> i will work on this


	2. introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> george and clay meet and it’s a bit awkward

george looks up at the taller, he’s brought someone new with him.. great.

“this is my the guy i was talking about” nick spoke boldly, george probably didnt listen when nick had told him about this.. guy. george looked at nick before nervously looking to him

“u-uh.. hi..” he mumbled quietly and the guy smiled at him warmly, it was the kid with the scar- the one everyone always picked on 

“hi..! i’m clay- uhm.. george right..?” he asked and george nodded, “me and karl are going to go to lunch together, are you two good together?” nick asked clinging onto karl

“yeah” clay responded sharply

honestly he wanted out of the situation as much as george

“okay” karl smiled pulling sapnap away, both of them giggling at they left 

“look- i’m sorry about this- i know it’s a bit awkward and i-“ clay tried to justify something he hadn’t done “it’s fine..” george interrupted immediately regretting it after

clay nodded “nicks a nice guy..” clay swallowed nervously and george looked away from him “yeah.. i’m sorry, i have to go” george lied “oh- yeah me too- see you soon i guess” clay said, george nodded and awkwardly walked away

he mentally cursed, so nick ditches him for his boyfriend and then just forces him to talk with someone who he doesn’t know at all? brilliant.. nick knows how he is.. surely he wouldn’t have done that on purpose? it doesn’t matter, he would talk to nick later.

_______

clay bit his tongue, a bad habit he had acquired, that situation was way out of hand.. he wouldn’t have to think of it again though because it didn’t seem like him and.. and.. george? would get along 

none the less he would do his best to remember george’s name

______

“and.. clay and george” the teacher smiled, she was the nicest teacher around but this was just brilliant timing..

“hi.. again” clay muttered to george, george was scribbling down something on his hand “hi..” george replied, awkwardly

the tension that infected the air was thick, so clay decided to break it, with their mutal theme, nick

“so.. how do you know nick?” clay asked fiddling with his fingers awkwardly 

“he’s my childhood best friend” george replied simply “what about you?” he enquires 

“me and karl were working on a project, we go to coding club together and of course him and nick are dating.. so yeah, karl talked about him and i met him once or twice” he smiled at the brunet “nice.. you do coding?” george asked trying to make the already awkward conversation less awkward “yeah..! it’s a big dream i suppose and one day i want to code games! i’m working on right now actually” clay explained, he seemed so happy talking about it 

“that sounds cool and.. difficult” george responded “meh, i suppose it’s just a skill” clay laughed nervously 

“can i have your number? not in that way- i just need a way to contact you” clay asked and george took a moment to think “i have instagram..?” george tried to change the option, “oh yeah! yeah that works, what’s your instagram?” clay asked, george scribbled it down on a piece of paper 

_georgenotfound ___

__“cool! mines dreamwastaken, just so you know” clay smiled hoping he wouldn’t go asking about the ‘dream’ bit, “cool username, ill talk to you later then?” george spoke packing up his book “yeah” clay responded “see you” he muttered as george walked off_ _

_________ _

__george sat opposite nick “no karl?” he asked, “yeah no karl today, thought i’d spend the day with my favourite friend” nick smirked at him and george smiled back_ _

__“your not gonna eat today?” sapnap enquired, halfway through his ham sandwich, “nah i ate a earlier” george lied with a guilty laugh, “alright shortie” he smiled, he finished his sandwich and put away his lunch “how did you and clay get along” nick asked, george looked at his hand_ _

___dreamwastaken_ _ _

____“it was okay.. i’ve got a project him for english” he groaned in annoyance_ _ _ _

____“and that’s bad..?” nick joked and george jokingly flared at nick “nick you know i hate people” he rolled his eyes_ _ _ _

____“but you don’t hate meee~!” nick smirked, “yes i do” george joked, nick made a jokey sad face back at him “come on, we have science together” nick reminded, just as the bell went_ _ _ _

____“better get to it then, or mr long face will murder us” george whined and they both shared a laugh before going on their way_ _ _ _

____________ _ _ _

____Clay: hey, this is clay for school_ _ _ _

____Gogy: hi_ _ _ _

____Clay: about the project, i think it would be easier to do it face to face, so do you wanna do it at one of our houses?_ _ _ _

____Gogy: sure, could we do it at yours?_ _ _ _

____Clay: yeah that’s fine, what day?_ _ _ _

____Gogy: saturday? i’ll ask my parents_ _ _ _

____Clay: yeah that’s fine, any preferred time?_ _ _ _

____Gogy: i don’t mind, you?_ _ _ _

____Clay: maybe 4-6? that gives us enough time_ _ _ _

____Gogy: okay, see you then_ _ _ _

_____________ _ _ _

____ _ _

____george put his phone back in the small pocket in his bag, he had powered it off completely, he heard the thud of footsteps and looked around his room, shit. it was a mess._ _ _ _

____.._ _ _ _

____george led on his floor, thankfully his father hadn’t been too harsh this time, he felt the familiar ache in his ribs and he knew a bruise or mark would form on his cheek, he could cover that.. it was the cut on his eyebrow he was worried about.._ _ _ _

____great.._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry this is a mess- it’s fun to write though and ngl it’s my first time writing a fanfic this slow lmao so i’m sorry that it’s all over the place, i’m pretty sure this has quite a few spelling errors aswell


	3. time and lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> george loses track of time and is running out of excuses.. meanwhile him and clay become a little more comfortable around each other

TW: vomiting/sick, bruises/injuries and abuse

clay opened the door to george, he was in an oversized grey hoodie and black ripped jeans, his hair was a bit of a mess and there was a cut on his left eyebrow

“hey.. uh- come in!” clay smiled awkwardly, moving so he could enter, george nodded stepping forward.

“we’re home alone.. is that okay?” clay asked, glancing back to george. george hummed a “yeah” before taking off his shoes and neatly putting them next to where everyone else’s was 

“the bathroom is down the hall there,” clay spoke, pointing at a door, that was indeed down the hall. “that’s my parents bedroom” he pointed to another, “and this one is mine” clay smiled walking inside of it, george followed suit 

“it’s a nice room” george smelled admiring the posters and photos on the wall, he grazed over a few of them, some old photos of him and someone he didn’t recognise

“i’m so sorry that it’s kinda messy..” clay laughed guiltily, breaking the silence “oh it’s fine, honestly, mines messy too” george lied to make him feel better, turning to him and smiling “anyway.. we should get started on the project” clay smiled and george nodded

george put his bag next to him and sat down on a clear spot of the floor, clay sat down in front of him, pulling out his laptop and the paper 

_______

half way through their time george got a bit tired, they had almost finished the project and had run out of small questions to keep the conversation going

“hey george, how about we just spend the last hour doing stuff? i can finish this off later” clay offered typing up one last sentence 

“are you sure?” george hesitated “yeah” clay responded 

george hesitated and looking down at their work, clay wouldn’t have to do much but george would feel guilty.. after a few minuets of debating with himself he decided, “yeah okay then” george smiled and clay powered up his old wii

the two of them had decided on mario kart, a classic game

“hey george” clay asked “yeah?” george responded, more caught up in the game then actually paying attention “wanna have a bet?” clay challenged “depends..” george muttered squinting at the screen, he flung his controller to the side, trying to stay on the track.

“if i win you join coding club” clay smirked and george looked back at him, his character drove off the edge. 

“what would i get if i win?” george challenged “you can ask one question and i will answer honestly” clay offered, george nodded “your on” 

well it was almost the end of the race and clay was in 1rst place and george was in 4th 

clay slammed down on the controller earning a small unnoticed flinch from george, clay sped over the finish line, throwing his arms up in the air, “AYEEEE!” clay yelled laughing and smiling, the control dropping down on the bed

“great” george rolled his eyes, smirking “you have to join coding club! your going to love it!” clay squealed excitedly, they were both showing sides that they hadn’t showed to each other before

“when even is coding club?” george asked, praying it wanst after school “oh we meet twice a week although the first one is optional, the first one is on a tuesday lunch and the second is a friday after school” clay smiled and george’s heart dropped.. fuck. “okay..” george responded trying to fake his happiness, it wasn’t well done. his parents would kill him for that.. but he couldn’t let clay down.. 

“do you wanna watch a movie?” clay asked wrapped up in his happiness, a rare thing, george nodded “sure” 

they scrolled through clay’s netflix for a few minuets before finally settling on the martian

neither of them kept watch of the time, george was enjoying himself laughing and having a good time with clay, when he eventually checked his phone, the anxiety got to him, and he felt sick 

18:24

(18:14) mum: you better be here straight away. 

(18:15) mum: if your not here within the next 10 minuets i’m telling your father

it was past 6pm. shit. there 2 texts from his mum, he felt very sick, he grabbed his bag, yanking it open and shoving his phone inside “it’s past six- i’m really sorry clay i gotta go- thanks tho- this was really fun” he murmured out trying not to break down and cry, clay nodded kind of alarmed at his panic 

“bye george! stay safe!” clay called after but george was already halfway down the stairs and out the door

george swallowed, he felt bile rise and he bit his tongue, he swallowed the bile and kept running, he knew what would happen when he got him. there was no way he could get back in 1 minuet. 

the rain pounded down on him and made him shake and shiver, his muscles burned and a few tears escaped him, he kept running regardless.

_________

george came through the door, hoping he could sneak up the stairs, he pressed his foot down and the stair made a small creak

“where do you think your going.” george’s dad asked. shit. he could either run and hope his dad was too tired to follow or he could just face it “i’m sorry..” george apologised tensing even more, he was utterly done for 

“get down here. now.” his dad snapped back, george turned back immediately and quickly walked back down the step, he stood in front of his dad with his head bowed and his dad slapped him, hard, george flew to the ground and his dad kicked him, again and again. 

george waited till his dad stopped, his dad left. obviously to go get something to drink, george managed to pick himself up and push himself quietly up the stairs, he got to his room and collapsed on his bed

he couldn’t hold back the tears that had just started falling, he was cold and tired and hungry and rather sick. he felt the bile come back again, he grabbed his bin and heaved, the bile burning his throat and made him cry more, his head throbbed and he wiped his mouth, he suddenly got very dizzy, he couldn’t hold it back anymore, he led on the floor and slowly his body gave in to exhaustion 

_________

clay stared at his phone intently, he hadn’t had any response from george since he had left, george was in such a hurry to leave.. he probably just had somewhere to be 

clay: george?   
clay: sorry that i didn’t check the time  
clay: are you okay? 

he turned off his phone and put it down on his bedside table, did he do something wrong? 

great.. he kind of wanted to be friends with george.. he seemed like a nice guy..

clay decided to message nick anyway.. it wouldn’t hurt to check george was okay.. right? 

______

george woke up an hour later, his throat burned and all he could taste was sick. george’s head hurt but not as much and his body ached and his damp clothes stuck to him

george got up and weakly wrapped a broken bandage around his hand, it hurt so bad.. he could only hope it wasn’t broken 

he grabbed his phone.. nick, karl and clay, he scrolled through the messages

karl: nick and clay are worried about you, are you okay? 

nick: george!! 

nick: george responddddd

nick: dude are you okay? 

nick: clay said you left in a hurry, u gud? 

clay: are you okay?

clay: sorry that i didn’t check the time

clay: george? 

george sighed and closed his phone, no. he wasn’t okay. but he couldn’t say that could he? 

george to nick: yeah i’m okay dw, just had to help my parents with tea 

george copy and pasted the message to the other two, he didn’t care what they thought.. why did clay even care anyway? karl had probably only messaged him because nick asked him too

he shut off his phone again and put on a new jumper and trousers, he looked in the mirror, god he was fat. thank god his parents didn’t feed him, he was fat enough anyway. 

_______

the next day of school was tough

karl and george had pe together, the college had asked all students to do physical education as a side activity too keep them active and fit, so almost everyone did pe 

george was in the changing room, he pulled off his top with just a few people in the changing room, revealing bruises on him, he quickly shoved on his pe shirt, and hoped nobody had saw, this was the one day when he couldn’t put on an under shirt. he took off the bandage the had covered his swollen and red hand

karl had noticed, he decided to keep it a secret for now.. it was nothing to worry about right? he probably just got bruised from a fight with his brother? if he had one.. never mind. he had to tell nick.. 

______

george sat down with nick at the lunch table, nick wasn’t his usual happy self, and once again, karl was no where to be seen “george?” nick asked softly, “oh-“ george gasped snapping out of his daydream, he wasn’t even aware he had been day dreaming 

“sorry.. did you say something?” he asked softly and nick nodded “don’t hate karl..” oh here we go “but he said.. he saw bruises? on you” nick asked gently “oh” george replied, he bit his tongue, excuse- make an excuse-

“my parents let me go to a self defence club” he lied, shit. “oh? okay! that’s fine, just wanted to make sure you were okay” nick smiled and george nodded, fuck, he wanted nick to know.. he wanted him to help 

clay sat down at the table next to george “hey, can i sit here?” clay asked nervously and george nodded, nick followed suit “thanks” clay responded to their actions 

“george i finished the project by the way” he smiled and george smiled back “thankyou so much, i’m sorry i couldn’t stay longer” george sighed playing with his fingers “oh- it’s no problem, don’t stress” clay nervously laughed, something he did a lot, “are you not eating again george?”nick asked, yes “no i’m eating” i don’t eat “i just prefer to eat outside of school” he lied pretty well and nick nodded suspicious, clay however didn’t pick up on it, george stared down at his hand while the other two talked

gently he faded out again, zoning out into his head, he could only hear their muffled words.. he thought about a lot of things, bad and good- then the bell went 

he would have to come up with more excuses 

great, people seemed like they were starting to catch on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry- this is longer this time! and i actually editors it- but i’m sorry if there’s any spelling errors, have a good day :3


	4. not a chapter sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a quick explanation

i’m going to stop this book for a few days maybe weeks, i’m loosing wifi soon because i’m moving so this book will be out on hold, i’ll try to update it when possible but it won’t be soon, sorry :(


	5. Another explanation sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m not great, mentally, but i’m gonna be okay

i have chapter 4 and 5 practically written, but i don’t like them, i just wanted to make this chapter to inform some people what’s going on 

i’m not too great mentally, i’m trying to look after myself but the mental illnesses i suffer with make it hard to take care of myself 

writing is my way of expressing myself or distracting myself and i just genuinely enjoy it

so i’m going to fix the chapters i’ve written and get them out very VERY soon :) 

but i just wanted to let ya’ll know because chapter updates are going to be very unsechduled because it’s based on how my mental well-being is

but i’ll get another chapter out very very soon :)

thankyou to everyone who’s left kind comments, ya’ll male my day <3

stay safe and look after yourself everyone! your valid, loved and beautiful/handsome/cute (whichever compliment you prefer, or not, whatever your comfortable with :] )


	6. Crash and burn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a trip gone wrong..
> 
> please read the end notes when you get there 
> 
> TW’S: suicidal thoughts, mention of abuse, bruises, graphic writing, injuries, death, blood, glass, possible cussing(?)
> 
> if i’ve missed any trigger warnings please tell me!! i will add them asap, please stay safe everyone <3

TW’S: suicidal thoughts, mention of abuse, bruises, graphic writing, injuries, death, blood, glass, possible cussing(?)

a school trip. 

he had managed to scrap enough to pay, he wouldn’t be able to buy any food for that week though.. 

clay was going, and he promised he would go 

so george lived up to his promise 

-//-

clay pulled george onto the bus and got seats one from the front so they could get off relatively fast.

george sat next to the window and clay sat by the isle,

“ugh!! guys! that was my seat!” sean, karl’s brother groaned

george went to move first, grabbing his bag, not even bothering to start a confrontation 

“sorry, i didn’t realise” clay sighed and sean rolled his eyes “it’s fine dorks just don’t be too loud” he smiled and clay looked taken aback, george nodded but looked away, dork was a name he was familiar with 

clay on the other hand was just thankful that he wasn’t being bullied for the moon shaped scar that appeared to be permanently ‘painted’ on his face

-//-

“i’m surprised your not sat with sapnap” clay commented, leaning over from his nintendo switch to george 

“well you were the one that invited me on the trip- it seems fitting to sit with you, right? and besides, sapnap has karl” george explained. 

clay nodded, more to himself, “well, i think your going to love it.. king george” clay smirked and george let out a snort 

“king george?!” george repeated 

“what are you then!” he asked questionably, trying not to laugh “my night in shining armour?” george giggled

“w-what?!” clay wheezed, flustered

“you heard me” george giggled again and turned back to his phone, clay sat back properly into his seat and went back to his animal crossing

-//-

clay looked out the window, accidentally glancing to george, he looked to the shorter slip noticing the cut, that was concerning..

“hey george.. what happened to your lip?” clay enquired nervously

george looked at him for a few seconds, pondering and processing- his answer was quick and short 

“the uhm club!” george sharply responded, fiddling his headphone wires nervously 

“we get rough sometimes” he elaborated, letting out a fake dry laugh to make it convincing, clay pondered for a moment before he smiled at him 

“oh okay! you really should be careful..” clay scolded. george nodded, not wanting to talk more on the matter, he then went to staring out his window 

-//-

george looked out the window, clay was playing a game on his nintendo switch, and he himself was listening to bo burnham 

he shut his eyes for what felt like a second, mostly out of exhaustion

suddenly the bus violently jolted forward and there was a loud bang followed by a hit to his left, and firey pain all over. screaming kids and then ringing in his ear.

and suddenly silence..

...

george felt pain shoot up his arm, fuck. his head was banging and he could barely hear anything, people were yelling..? crying.. maybe screaming, suddenly he felt a grip on his arm, clay.

pain racked him and he salty tears slipped down his face, bile was burning down his throat and he was trying to resist the nauseating feeling 

“george- geo-george can you h-hear me!?!?” clay sobbed, he was panicked- upset-

george moved his head up, pain spiking and he let out a pained sob “c-cla-..” he tried but his voice was heavily strained 

“i-i- w-we need t-to get off-“ clay cried, frantically moving, unsure what to do, his panic painted his voice 

george looked at the broken glass next to him, there was no window anymore it had been completely shattered, leaving glass at his feet

oh..

clay looked down at george’s foot, glass was pierced through it. bile climbed his throat.

“g-george don’t- don’t look down-“ clay shakily warned, george looked at clay

they had no choice 

“i-i’m gonna get you-you o-out-okay- j-just dig- dig your nails i-in if it h-hurts-“ clay tried to get a grip

the adrenaline not making him aware of the ringing in his ears or the burning feeling in his hand 

clay slid an arm under george’s armpit and around his back, grabbing at his shirt and forcing george to lean on him as he stood

the glass shredded more skin and george let out a pained sob and strained scream, almost passing out from the shock 

“s-stop i- c-ant” george sobbed out, drowsy from the pain

clay managed to pull george out onto the grassy field next to the bus, clay wasn’t holding it together, he was racked by sobs as any teenager in shock would be 

teachers were all panicking and running around, students were crying and calling their parents

the shock finally caught george up and he felt his heart slow and legs gave way, he cried out right before he collapsed, alerting clay who managed to lower him slightly so the fall wouldn’t hurt

clay’s frantic sobbing alerted a teacher, he could hear muffled voices right before he passed out

…

george opened his eyes, he could see the sky, was he dead..? a voice suddenly started bothering him

“what’s his name sweetheart?” the nurse asked, the voice sounded gentle and kind.. warm and safe.. 

“geo-george” clay? clay was sobbing.. the women appeared to be nodding 

“george can you hear me?” the women asked with the same warmth and george let out a groan, the pain waking him more from his pain induced trance 

“can you tell me your name?” the nurse enquired trying to get george to stay awake, the attempt seemed to be working

“g-geor-george” george choked out

another nurse ushered clay away from george, insisting on tending to clay in his shocked state

“george i’m claire, you’ve been in a bus accident, do you remember what happened?” the women, claire?, asked. his attention then moved to his foot and he felt pain burn through it

“n-no-“ he let out a pained cry, the nurse grabbed some thing george was too panicked to remember the name of use of

“sweetheart, i need to put in a drip, can you take a deep breath for me?” claire has asked so gently, it was enough to make george cry

his parents were never this sensitive or soft with him, and he was so overwhelmed, how was he suppose to get home like this? and how was he suppose to explain this to his parents let alone what would he tell the hospital about the bruises? there was no club- 

“your doing so good george” another nurse, this one wasn’t blonde, she had blue hair 

that was enough to break george from his thoughts, george let out a shaky inhale

the women inserted the iv in and then gently rubbed george’s arm

“your doing so well, deep breaths” she soothed, them she repeated it once again and george started to feel a little sleepy 

“were going to move you onto a stretcher okay?” the blue haired women told him. 

he nodded, he was hoisted onto the stretcher, crying and trying not to scream at the pain, but failing when something was wrapped around his ankle 

the ambulance ride felt like such a long time 

blaring lights, loud beeps and talking 

he just wanted to go home

-//-

george slowly came to his senses, sat by his side was clay, the heart test monitor beeping at a reasonable pace at the other 

“george? george can you hear me?” clay asked, hopeful but nervous 

“yeah..” george mumbled, still fuzzy, confused and slightly scared 

“do you know where you are sweetheart?” the nurse asked and george squinted his eyes, trying to clear his vision “a hospital..?” george replied, the nurse nodded, writing something down 

“you were in a bus accident, you have a concussion along with a few other injuries” the women paused to let him process

he stared around the room and then looked back to the nurse 

“we’ve already spoken to your parents and they’re okay with you staying over night but unfortunately they can’t come to visit you” the women paused again

“they send their apologises” the nurse sighed, she seemed annoyed with his parents and honestly, he felt the same, liars. they don’t want to see me. 

“now clay you call me if anything happens okay?” the nurse smiled and clay nodded, looking away from the nurse and back to george 

…

“george? how are you feeling?” clay asked slowly, not wanting to prod and poke the upset boy 

“tired..” he mumbled, in truth he felt numb, shocked and scared

clay just nodded, seemed to be thinking and in his own head, he got pulled from that “what are my injuries? what happened?” george asked 

clay looked down at his foot, he felt sick remembering the horrid half scream george had let out and the blood.. 

“we were on our way there.. the school trip.. the bus crashed, you had glass in your foot-“ clay gagged slightly “-and you seemed very confused, your head was bleeding and you were covered in bruises.. you and alex were the worst injured but.. karl’s brother.. sean.. he was sat at the front with alex and.. well.. he didn’t make it..” clay spoke gently

he knew george would be upset, he felt guilt for the fate of karl’s brother, they were the ones that was sat in his seat 

george let out a cold nod.., he didn’t want to think about the death of a fellow student 

“alex survived though, with a major injury and a minor one but he’s okay, he woke up a few hours ago” clay made a gentle smile trying to seem as if the good news of alex could calm down the upset over sean, the two didn’t even know him

george looked down at his bandages foot, he wiggled his toes, letting out a wince and then a sigh, he looked to the drips in his arm

what the hell was he attached too, “what’s this?” george asked looking to the group of wires

“you uhm.. they thought you wouldn’t make it.. george, you had a concussion and your head got hit.. so they’re making sure your up on blood and other stuff..” clay whimpered, blinking away the tears 

george nodded, not knowing what to say, the shock and reality hadn’t hit him yet, he had almost died and well, someone had died

“is nick with karl? is he ok?” george looked coldly you his hands, he didn’t know what to say..

clay nodded, “nick and karl are okay, nick went home with karl, his family are devastated..” clay responded, sympathy lacing his voice 

george looked away, giving a small nod, truely the situation was bad, what was he suppose to say? feel? do? he could’ve been dead- and maybe just maybe he would’ve been fine with tha-

clay put a hand over his “george? you okay..?” clay asked and george shook his head taking a deep breath “clay i could’ve- i-i would’ve been dead- ma-maybe i should be!” he blurted out in a crying mess

clay looked shocked and upset, tears of his own glasses over his eyes “w-what? george- no- we need you alive.. i’m glad you survived” he begged almost, choked 

“i wish i hadn’t..” he whispered looking away

clay went to say something but was interrupted by his phone vibrating and ringing, he grabbed his phone, letting out a shakey sigh as nick’s contact name 

“hey.., nick” george immediately looked to clay “he’s awake..” clay then paused, he pulled the phone away from his face and handed it to george 

“nick?” george asked, nervousness and pain laced his voice, he sounded small and broken 

“hey.. george, how are you holding up?” was the response, how could nick be so calm?! 

“b-bad- i mean- i’ll be fine-“ he let out a nervous laugh, causing a wince from clay 

“george.. clay told me your injuries.., i know your not fine. i’m so sorry, i’m sorry i wasn’t there” he apologised and before george could respond more was said 

“look- i have to go, i’m going to spend the night with karl for.. well.., you know, but i’m here, okay? please don’t blame yourself” nick sympathised, his own voice shaky

“o-okay..”

george nodded to himself and gave the phone back to clay “thanks nick.. i’ll keep you updated” and a few more mummers words, george rolled over and curled up on his bed, his world came crashing down 

someone had died, and he almost had too.. 

why was he okay with almost being dead?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so so sorry for the wait everyone! 
> 
> mental health is a bit rocky so i don’t know when the next update will be although it should be soon, as i’ve already written chapter 5 and i’m almost done editing it
> 
> i have an art instagram! i might draw some fan art of the boys (instagram: rockcult.exe ) it’s a shared account between me and my partner, i’m the cloud, addie, anyways- go follow if you so wish
> 
> see ya’ll next time, take care of yourselves and comment if i’ve missed any trigger warnings


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